


resolution

by enbied



Category: Degrassi: Next Class
Genre: M/M, Sadness, weed use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-02-27 20:17:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13255833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enbied/pseuds/enbied
Summary: an AU in which miles actually gives a fuck about consent because tris realises he was r*ped and shares this with miles // set just before 1610 i guess





	resolution

INT. TRISTAN’S BEDROOM. EARLY MORNING  
Birds chirp faintly and weak light splinters through the blinds over the windows. Miles is hurriedly dressing, collecting his phone, keys and wallet with care to be as quiet as he can, so as not to wake Tristan. Nevertheless, he stirs.

TRISTAN  
Miles?

MILES  
This isn’t working.

TRISTAN  
Whoa, what the fuck? Stop! Where are you going?

MILES  
I don’t know.

TRISTAN  
No, I won’t accept this. I just will not. If you’re going to break up with me I deserve a way better explanation and you are NOT doing it while I’m naked.

MILES  
Tris...

Tristan reaches over to grab Miles’ hand, to some resistance, pulling him back down onto the bed.

TRISTAN  
Sit. Down. Tell me what you’re thinking.

MILES  
You know what I’m thinking.

TRISTAN  
Yeah, you’re right, I probably do. But you have to say it otherwise I don’t get to counter.

MILES  
Look, you’re always trying to help me, and listening and cooing like I’m a... bird who smashed into your window. You always know what to say and I - I can’t match up to that!

TRISTAN  
’Kay, well, I’m going to go ahead and admit I don’t know what to say _here_ except, that’s bullshit.

MILES  
I don’t do enough for you. I can’t. I can’t cook; I’m not thoughtful, I don’t know what nice things you’d want me to do. I barely know how to take care of myself, and you’re just always there _knowing_ everything and being ready to help me or teach me shit. It’s infuriating. I hate being helped.

TRISTAN  
What are you even talking about? You’re making no sense.

MILES  
Every time I’m upset, you make me talk about it. You won’t let it go. But you have your own shit, and you never talk about it. We both know I’d be worse than useless.

TRISTAN  
I don’t make you talk.

Miles tries not to say anything.

TRISTAN  
... Do you feel like I make you talk?

MILES  
I only talk because you always act like you know it’s right or it’s the best thing and we never get anywhere. Nothing changes.

TRISTAN  
That’s just not true; you’ve told me before that talking helps.

MILES  
No, actually, it makes me feel shitty because it’s always about me and whenever I say I don’t want to or I can just talk to my therapist instead or it’s not important you don’t believe me and I end up going on and on when it doesn’t have to happen. And I tried a thousand times to turn the focus on you but you’re too fucking selfless to let me. It feels... unbalanced. Everything about us is.

Tristan shakes his head, soft but resolute.

TRISTAN  
I love you. I know sometimes it’s hard for you to understand. Maybe I don’t tell you enough why I love you and what you do for me.

MILES  
You just like fake-me.

TRISTAN  
No. I like more than your stupid charm and your stupid money and your stupid gorgeous face, okay? I like who you are when you’re with me.

MILES  
A depressing mess? Really?

TRISTAN  
No,  
(he puts his hand on Miles’ cheek, turning his head to encourage eye contact)  
I like that you care about me. I like our history, even though it’s far from perfect. I like that you write so differently to that fake-you. I like how willing you are to learn new things, how you’re proud to hold my hand when we go out. You're brave. And we have so much in common, like movies and shitty families, and our vices work the same way. I like how we help each other with the classes we struggle with. I like how you remember more and more often not to take me for granted.

Miles turns away, regretting the events surrounding their relationship.

TRISTAN  
Hey. It means the world to me that you’re even trying. You’ve come so far, I - I do feel appreciated. You’ve more than made up for all that. There are so many things you do that make me happy. I like your touch. I love it. I love when you hold me really tight before you have to go to another class, like you have to make up for lost time or something. I like how Frankie told me you said that you randomly smile all the time just because you’re thinking of me.

Miles gives a small, half-hearted smile.

TRISTAN  
You make me laugh. You’re tidy. You’re really good at balancing your time and doing homework without anyone nagging you.

MILES  
Wow. I can do the bare minimum expected of me. Nice.

TRISTAN  
You’re selling yourself short, babe, and you’ve got to remember you were conditioned to do that by shitty people.

MILES  
They weren’t entirely wrong, Tris.

TRISTAN  
(sighs)  
Okay, what else - you get along with my family. You care really deeply about your own. You’re good with kids and animals. I love seeing you play with pets; you totally light up. You know your way around a script and a stage... and you know how to fuck just the way I like. And you always have to be a _thousand_ percent sure that I want to.  
You know me. You don’t have to know how to do brain surgery or write a thesis for me because you know what I like and what I need. And I’m not upset when you don’t because that’s how relationships work; you learn and you communicate and you listen--

(he pokes Miles a little)

\-- to your partner. And you know what? I don’t need to talk about my shit. If I did, I would 'cause I know I can trust you. And if you didn’t know what to say it wouldn’t matter because you do listen. Attentively. You care, and you try, and you’re learning when you mess up and that’s all anyone can ask of you.

Miles doesn’t respond.

TRISTAN  
Fine, okay, let me show you something.

Tristan grabs his phone and calls Maya, turning on speakerphone while it rings.

TRISTAN  
Hey, Maya, I’m just curious, do you think Miles is a good person? Do you think he’s worth everything I do for him?

MAYA  
Oh, absolutely. For sure. I think, you know, he beats himself up way too much and you see through that, like - and I mean, like you said, he’s always trying to do the right thing but he’s just been totally unlucky that it’s hurt people. But he tries really hard. Ya, I think he’s worth it. He’s a great guy when he feels like one, you know?

TRISTAN  
Okay, well he heard that so...

MAYA  
Oh. Oh my god.  
(she laughs)  
Okay, Miles, be nice to yourself, please? We all care about you and you should let us.

MILES  
(weak, irresolute)  
Thanks.

TRISTAN  
Thanks Maya. Love you.

MAYA  
No worries. Love you too.

Tristan hangs up, and tries to take Miles’ hand but he moves away from Tristan’s grasp. Tristan’s face falls.

TRISTAN  
Okay, you don’t know how much that hurt.

MILES  
Yeah, well, it had to be done.

TRISTAN  
I thought we were over this.

MILES  
Yeah, _you_ thought. It’s easy for you; you have no choice but to believe in me out of guilt.

TRISTAN  
No.

MILES  
You have to keep at it because you’re in too deep.

TRISTAN  
No, that’s not true!

MILES  
I’m like a lottery; if you keep playing and giving it everything then eventually you’ll win, right? You don’t care how much it costs you?

Tristan is silent for a while, staring at Miles.

TRISTAN  
So you’re giving up.

MILES  
And you’ll wait til I come crawling back like you did but I won’t do that anymore. My mind’s made up.

TRISTAN  
Then leave. You won’t have to watch what it does to me. Obviously if you’d cared enough about me to even consider that I might be half right for five seconds-

MILES  
I couldn’t.

TRISTAN  
You could. You can suspend your disbelief for any hypothetical discussion under the sun except when it’s about you. You have so much evidence to prove your abusers wrong and you know you feel better when you do but I can’t - I can’t do anything. It’s up to you now.

Miles gets up and leaves. Neither says a word.

TRISTAN (TEXT)  
it’s not fucking easy for me  
but i want to spend the rest of my life with you, so i’m putting in a little work  
i know you are too. i can see it. i know you fight this constantly and you are getting really fucking good at winning  
please let me know if you’re safe

MILES (TEXT)  
I’m not

TRISTAN (TEXT)  
you’ve been lied to all your life but I want to tell you the truth  
if you listen you’ll feel better  
you won’t make as many mistakes  
come back. just for an hour. we can talk more, we can pretend this didn’t happen, we can sleep, we can have sex, I don’t care as long as I get just a little more time with you

Tristan’s phone rings; it’s Miles. He answers as fast as he can.

TRISTAN  
(relieved but also nervous)  
Hey.

MILES  
(wrecked)  
Can I smoke.

TRISTAN  
I - that’s your decision.

MILES  
(yelling)  
Can I _just_ have permission, just this once? Can someone else _please_ just say it’s okay and admit it will help me?

Tristan has a close up internal struggle and it's way dramatic and extra.

TRISTAN  
(whispering)  
Okay.

MILES  
(choked)  
Thank you.

Twenty minutes later Miles shows up at Tristan’s front door. Tristan runs out before he can even knock, hugging him tightly. Miles doesn’t hug back, so Tristan pulls away.

TRISTAN  
You wanna come in?

Miles holds up his joint in response.

TRISTAN  
Right. Um... out back?

Miles nods, and Tristan leads Miles through his house out to the back. Miles lights up hurriedly, then inhales. Tristan tries to pretend he isn’t disgusted by the smell.

TRISTAN  
You know when you said "this isn’t working"?

MILES Can you just give me a minute first, b-

Miles appears to have been about to call Tristan a pet name like ’babe’, but thinks better of it. Tristan notices anyway. They sit in silence for about twenty seconds, while Miles takes a few more pulls, turning away from Tristan to exhale.

MILES  
(under his breath) Fuck, I needed this.

Tristan bites his lip, concerned at his choice of words, but staying silent until Miles is ready to talk.

MILES  
I think (he pauses) Never mind. That’s stupid.

He takes another hit.

TRISTAN  
(softly)  
Maybe not. What is it?

MILES  
What if I could, like - fuck, this is stupid. What if I could let myself smoke like once a month or something?

TRISTAN  
(cautious)  
What do you mean?

MILES  
Like... it just feels so futile to cut fucking _weed_ out of my life completely. It’d be nice to have like a cheat day or something. ’Cause this feels like... like I’m replenishing or something, I don’t know. I’m sorry. It’s stupid.

TRISTAN  
Do you... do you really think that’s a good idea?

MILES  
I think _you_ don’t think it is. But this joint right here probably saved my life.

Tristan’s stomach sinks.

MILES  
I know it sounds dangerous but maybe we could just try it. Even once a year or something would be a light at the end of the tunnel, you know?

They sit in silence for a while, thinking.

TRISTAN  
Can you promise me you’ll stay when you sober up?

Miles leans over to press his forehead against TRISTAN’s.

MILES  
I promise. I do - I can. And I don’t want to push you into agreeing with this, I’m just... I’m exhausted and I know I’m intoxicated but I really think I need this to balance things out.

TRISTAN  
Can I say we can talk about it when you’re sober?

MILES  
That’s fair.

TRISTAN  
And you’ll talk it through with your therapist too?

MILES  
Of course.

TRISTAN  
And...

He pauses, and shifts uncomfortably. MILES looks at him, questioning.

TRISTAN  
(hesitant)  
I guess I’m a little curious...

MILES laughs and hands the joint to TRISTAN.

MILES  
Just remember, you’ll probably cough at first, but keep trying ’til you can hold it for a bit.

TRISTAN  
(staring at the joint)  
Does this make me a shitty person?

MILES  
What? No; why would it?

TRISTAN  
Shouldn’t I be taking this off of you and stamping it out in the dirt? Instead of _joining_ you?

MILES  
If you don’t want to, that’s okay.

TRISTAN  
No, I do, but that’s exactly the problem. And now I’m wasting it thinking about this...

Miles puts his arm around Tristan’s waist.

MILES  
S’okay. Take your time.

Tristan stares at the joint a moment longer, then brings it to his lips. Miles squeezes at Tristan’s waist momentarily in comfort as Tristan inhales, chest spasming in protest. Eventually he exhales, coughing a little and handing the joint back to Miles.

TRISTAN  
Ugh.

MILES  
It’ll take a minute.

TRISTAN  
Will it do anything?

MILES  
Not a whole lot, but just see how you feel first.

TRISTAN  
Mmkay.  
(he leans into Miles)  
What if it makes me paranoid or whatever?

MILES  
This strain probably won’t.  
(teasing)  
’Specially just from one tiny hit. But if it does, I’ll take care of you. Promise.

Tristan winds his fingers into Miles’.

MILES  
I’m sorry for scaring you.

TRISTAN  
S’okay. Thank you for coming back.

MILES  
I don’t think I ever had a choice. We always end up back together.  
(he laughs)  
Thank you for taking me back.

TRISTAN  
Always. Miles, I - I’ll always be here for you.


End file.
